How’s your summer going? Have you been able to stand up against the heat? And I’m not just talking about the heat of the sun. I’m trying to work through the heat of parenting an adult with special needs. Lately, I have needed some SPF 1000.
Parenting is hard! Parenting a child with special needs is harder. However, I’m not sure if I’m qualified to claim that since I have no experience parenting a child without special needs. Unless you count the numerous hours of babysitting, I did as a teenager, which I like to think could be considered on-the-job training.
In my book, Big People Don’t Pee in the Park, the last chapter is titled “Still on the Journey.” In this chapter, I share how I almost gave up on publishing my book because I felt like a fraud. Resistance, doubt, and fear messed with me. They were in my head screaming that I had no business trying to help other parents when I still faced challenges that I didn’t know how to work through. Until someone kindly pointed out to me that this is exactly why I needed to publish, to share that I’m still on the journey, and in addition to our great moments, I still experience hard times. This chapter was an opportunity to end authentically, just as my book began.
I do my best to be a good mom. Many people tell me I’m an amazing mom. Although they mean well, "amazing" puts a lot of pressure on me to live up to this strong adjective and when I don't, I am particularly hard on myself. The truth is, I’m a good mom on my best days. In this way, I think this is how most moms feel.
I had a situation happen with my son recently in the grocery store that left me feeling horrible, in fact, I spent the entire day in tears. I may have overreacted to the situation and how it affected me, but still, I felt like a huge failure, and as a result, I punished myself…hard! Do you know why? Within minutes of my huge mom fail, my son forgave me. As we sat in the car, he told me he was sorry, I held his hand and apologized to him, and then he turned up the radio and started dancing and singing to one of his favorite songs. This is when the sobbing began. His ability to forgive quickly, and not hold a grudge is one that I envy.
When my parents were not at their best, it ended with me slamming my bedroom door and giving them the silent treatment for days. As I got older, that sometimes went on for months and sadly in some cases years. Why? We are human; hence, we are not perfect and will make mistakes.
I heard a quote recently that has become one of my mottos, “Life is a classroom, not a courtroom.” If we learn from our mistakes, then they aren’t mistakes. Unfortunately, on this day after our horrible trip to the grocery store, nothing could dry my tears. The guilt I felt was unbearable, not only because of my actions, but because he was able to look beyond the situation within minutes, something I could not do. At the day’s end, I had indeed learned from my mistake. And then I woke up to a new day, and another opportunity to become a better version of myself.
Can you imagine how pleasant our world would be if we all had this amazing quality? Why is it so hard for us?
I feel lucky to be living a life with an incredible human being who has different abilities than me. He’s a daily reminder of what it is to show others unconditional love. Overall, I know I’m a better person than if I didn’t have my son in my life, even on the days that I have failed.
I hope that my book brings awareness to every reader. That it will leave them feeling inspired to live a life of compassion and kindness and offer comfort on those meltdown days.
I hope it makes everyone live, love, and make each day count…like an extra chromosome.
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